September 2004 Archives

This morning I got up and Doug had prepared a nice breakfast for us.
He had gotten up early to walk Spoon and he stopped at the Boulangerie
to pick up some pastries. He selected a croissant with almond paste
filling and an almond tart with apples on it. They were very good and
along with an egg a great breakfast for me right now.

After Doug left for work, I sat down to drink my tea and listen to a CD
of lullabyes that one of my friends sent to me. The music is a
collection of folk songs from around the world with an aboriginal flair
and quite relaxing. As I listened to the music I started to work on
the birth announcements trying to make them beautiful and worthy of our
little boy who is such a great blessing to us.

There was this one song that got to me though. I was totally
overwhelmed by it and started to cry. At first I thought that maybe I
was sad, but that wasn't it. I was actually crying because I'm so
close to having this baby and everything is going great. After such a
long period of wanting a baby he's almost here. I am so happy that
Doug will be a father, he's very excited. There is no doubt in my mind
that he will be an attentive and affectionate father. the type of
father everyone wishes they had.

It's amazing what you can discover about the person you live with.
After six years of marriage Doug surprises me by the depth of his love,
affection and devotion.

I guess it's good to have a good cry every once in a while; it clears
out the soul and helps us maintain emotional balance, I feel much
better now

For the past month, Doug and I have been furiously working moving into
a new house in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle which is near
the University of Washington. It's a really nice community and we love
our little house. It's a 1922 Craftsman style bungalow with all
updated features. So we didn't have to do any work on it before moving
in. This is great because we had lots of work to do on our Shoreline
house that we occupied for 5.5 years.

So, why did we move? Well, Doug and I were in the middle of remodeling
our kitchen thinking we could do it all ourselves, when we got halfway
through laying down a terracotta tile floor in our dining room we ran
out of steam and I started looking for contractors to finish the
remodeling job. After meeting with a half dozen contractors I quickly
learned that our small project to spruce up our living area was going
to cost in excess of $40,000. We were in a quandry. We had to decide
if it was worth the time, effort and money to do the job and would we
be over improving our house? A couple of days later, Doug called me
and told me that one of his co-workers had a house was up for sale in
Wallingford and we went to see it that night. We were really impressed
by the craftsmanship of the older home, the updates and we loved the
neighborhood. Then we thought it was too expensive for us. So, we
thought...why not check out other houses in the neighborhood?

For the next 5-6 days we drove around the neighborhood and viewed about
25 homes with two different realtors and then we decided that the first
house was the best one we had seen. So, we met with the couple and put
in an offer. The following Monday they accepted our offer. We got the
house! It sounds really easy, but there was a lot of work that Doug
and I had to do during those 10 days. We functioned as a really great
team. He'd call me about paperwork and financial matters and I'd run
around and take care of the details. The sellers were really impressed
with our offer and our efforts to get the house and we were the winning
bid!

It's been a month now in our new place and we just love it. Most of
the boxes are gone and our new couch was finally delivered and I'm
starting to see clients at the house. It's been a long two months and
now we are focused on getting ready for the baby. The crib is set up
and the changing table is getting stocked with clothing an supplies.
The diaper service is starting soon and I'm getting to big to stoop for
anything on the floor.

I don't recommend that any couple buy a house when one of you is
pregnant, but if you do get some help. When we found our that the
house was ours, Doug called his dad and sister MaryAnn to come help us.
Thank God they showed up. Mike was so helpful. He helped us pack for
two days before the movers came and when the moving was done we started
working on the vacant to get it ready for sale.

Mike was so awesome! He whipped the yard into shape by trimming
hedges, moving lawns doing landscaping ( I picked out the plants and
arranged them, he did the digging) finished tiling the kitchen floor
with Doug, painted, put up crown molding and base boards and ate lots
of sandwiches that I bought at Safeway. The amazing thing about having
Mike here for two weeks was that he and I got to know each other, so
much better. I learned more about him in those working days than I
have in the past seven years. I'm so glad that Doug asked for help and
that his Dad responded. Oh, and MA too. She cleaned and painted while
conducting her job search. She was a great help at our new house. She
did lots of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the dogs, in order
for me to get some much needed sleep.

With five weeks to blast off, I'm taking it easy now and getting ready
for the baby. Hopefully, we'll be ready when he gets here.

I've been getting bombarded by emails from many family members and It's
obvious that nobody is going to change their mind here. And some
actually had the audacity to label people as being negative. So, why
get so upset when people want to express another option for our current
President?

Reading the email traffic for the past week has been a great study in
human behavioral reaction when individuals are forced to express
closely held beliefs via non-verbal communications. The result:
alienation through automation. Active personal communication is always
better than passive non-verbal communications. So, if you want to hear
what to find out what John Kerry stands for visit www.johnkerry.com or
call Kerry-Edwards 2004, Inc.
202-712-3000. In your own state go to http://www.johnkerry.com/contact/

There is nothing wrong in researching the opposing party and learning
about what they stand for. Whatever happened to, "know thy enemy?"
My hope is that everyone will vote with knowledge rather than with a
gut reaction or out of party loyalty after they've done some serious
research and picked a candidate who will best serve the interests of
the entire country and not just the political elite or special
interests groups.

Some things to consider:

Be slow to anger and get all the facts right the first time:
Even though, there were 14 resolutions to make Saddam budge, the fact
of the matter is there weren't any WMD in Iraq. If we had taken more
time to inspect ,we would have found that out, but the rush to war was
needed to ride on the momentum of the post-911 fear. Moreover, the
Iraqi invasion plan had been pre-conceived, pre-planned and was already
in the pre-execution phases when Powell was talking to the UN.

When taking risks, know what you a willing to sacrifice and be ready
for the consequences: Sure we showed the world that we can mass our
troops and go to war. But, what we've really done in the past 18
months is created more enemies, other than OBL and we are spending
billions to support the war. That's more than $25,000 per man, woman
and child in the US. If we are worried about Social Security, cheaper
drugs, fighting crime in the US, and lower taxes maybe we need to stop
spending $1.67 billion dollars a day overseas. If you consider
yourself middle class than get ready to open your wallet because we are
the ones who will pay for all of this.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and really listen to what
they are saying:
Finally, in support of the loyal opposition trying to spur some
serious debate based on facts and figures; their comments and beliefs
should not be labeled as "negative" just because they make others
uncomfortable. Freedom of speech is still a right and if you don't
like the message turn off the radio, or watch a different news program
or put the paper down or take your name off of this email list. This
same technique of labeling someone is used to thwart the efforts of
parties with opposing ideologies, which we can see in action today.

Have we all lost our intellectual properties of research, friendly
debate and cognitive decision making? Maybe not, maybe as a whole we
have become so susceptible to biased media, sound bytes and being
overwhelmed that it's just easier to make decisions based on gut
instinct instead of what's best for everyone else. And maybe we are
unwilling to admit that we don't have all the answers all of the time
and we aren't as smart as we thought we were?
It's not too late. Exercise your right to vote, but be informed and do
your research before you do. Remember, you don't have to tell anyone
how you voted, just that you did.

Have you ever wondered why things don't seem to go your way? Do you
often think that if it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all?
There comes a time every person faces this crossroads and they are
faced with deciding to either live with what life brings them or to
make things happen for themselves.

I remember when I first stood at this perverbial location, it was in
junior high that I realized no one was going to help me except myself
and if I wanted to be someone special, it was up to me to make it
happen.

This life changing decision followed many months of painful worry that
my parents were going to get divorced. Though I wanted nothing more
than to prevent the split, ultimately the day arrived when my siblings
and I returned home from school to find my mother waiting to tell us
that our father had left home. For me feelings of helplessness washed
over me as I took in the news. Looking at my mother I could see that
she was just trying to hold herself together as her children went to
her to comfort their cries of sorrow. I'll never forget the pain in
her eyes as she looked at all of us wondering what the future would
hold.

That day I learned that my happiness was not going to be dependent on
another person and that somehow I had to be strong. I made a choice to
be happy.
It takes a conscious effort to be happy. Every day we are bombarded
with negative input and it's easy to fall into the "Woe is me
attitude." But don't do it.

Stand up for yourself and take a stand. Live each day with the idea of
experiencing the good things in life like enjoying a good cup of coffee
or feel the wind on your face as you walk to work without any aches and
pains or a wheelchair.

Life if worth living, but realizing this isn't always easy.

I've been getting so many emails about how to vote, why to vote and why
it matters that it's time for me to take my stand too.

First of all, I am sick and tired of people who only vote for their own
self interests and the rest of the us be damned. Who does this in
great numbers? Baby boomers!
I can not stand middle class baby boomers as a voting block for several
reasons:

1. BBs represents the largest demographic voting block and they don't
want to give up power. They control Congress and most levels of
government around the country because they just don't want to give up
their power base and let the younger generation take a crack at running
something. When a person under the age of 30 runs for office, the
older opponents attack the younger candidates saying they are
inexperienced and too young. Geez, we have to get some new blood in
office somehow. Even John Edwards gets criticized for looking too
young! This tactic is nothing more than reverse age discrimination
directed at my generation from our parents. However, we do have rules
against age discrimination and who do you think proposed those laws?
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it's not fair to use someone's age
against in order to discredit their ability to make a change for our
nation's citizens.

2. BBs have had the best of everything. BBs (generally, people born
between the end of WWII (1945) and the middle of the 60's (1965)) were
raised during the Industrialization Bubble on the mid 20th century,
where the Corporation was King, standardization and mass production
were the buzzwords. They became the pillars of our society; doctors,
lawyers, scientists and teachers. They have been raised in a society
which rewards Group-Think, and rewards it well. Sure they suffered
during the 1970s oil embargo, Vietnam and the civil rights fight in the
1960s, but they didn't suffer like their parents or grandparents during
WWII or the Great Depression. They had options and they used them.

3. BBs are selfish voters. BBs are so used to being spoon fed their
political pablem from one source; ie political satirists, watching one
news station, listening to one shock jock on the radio and hardly ever
reading more than one paper. By limiting their sources of intellectual
input, they fail to see that our independence as a country is based on
an interdependence between generations. But they don't really care
about that. What they are concerned about is having their social
security that my generation is paying for; (which we won't have in the
future), cheap health care coverage, cheap drugs, taxing the rich,
cheap food, cheap gas, cheap goods from Walmart and they don't like
welfare programs. They no longer care about educating our children
because they don't have any.

4. On the face of it, wanting cheap goods and services aren't a bad
thing. Who doesn't want a bargain? However, it's this monotrac
sentimentality that leads to many of our current problems. I feel like
BBs just want to suck up all of our natural resources and leave a
smoking hole for the rest of us to contend with as we get older. For
example, we do not need to drill in the Arctic reserves in Alaska.
One, because it is pristine natural wilderness that can offer us
unknown discoveries much like the Rainforests of South America.
Second, the area only has about 0 million worth of oil and the money
will go to big business. When the reserve runs dry we won't be able to
repair the damage and the area will be a wasteland.

We don't need anymore gas guzzling SUVs that suck up all the gas.
Whatever happened to the cars of the 1980s that used to get 52 miles
per gallon? Well, as BBs became more affluent they didn't want to
drive small cars they wanted to indulge in luxury and bigger was
better. So, the car companies spoiled their target audience and the
SUVs are now everywhere.

What about the pharmaceutical industry? The top selling drugs are
Viagra to have more sex, Plavix to control cholesterol, Fosamax for
osteoporosis, Norvasc for high blood pressure and celebrex for
arthritis. These drugs are for BBs and because they want their drugs
cheap, they order on the internet or go to Canada and Mexico to get
them. So, in the end we are going to pay more for the drugs that we
and our children need because someone has to pay for the R&D of these
drugs and well we know who isn't about to do that.


Now to be fair, I have to say why I can't stand GenXers. These are all
generalizations of course.

1. The GXs are lazy. They are the product of over indulgent parents
who give them too much money, too many material possessions and don't
teach the value of hard work. I have tried to hire a young person
18-24 to help me as a photography assistant and I've gone through about
10 of them.

They are lazy, lack ambition and motivation and have no interest in
learning to be good at something. All they want is the /hour
without working and they complain the whole time. The thing that bugs
me the most is that they are so ungrateful. They act as if they
deserve everything and don't need to do anything for it.

2. GXs have no passion. They are bombarded with the lifestyles of the
rich and famous or infamous and they think that's what their life is
supposed to be. So, when the ,000 job doesn't come knocking on
their door after reading the help wanted ads they act as if the system
is working against them. In actuality these kids lack the passion,
drive and motivation to get what they want because they were never
taught how to set goals, plan, save, work and watch for the evidence of
their efforts.

I am troubled. My generation is in a terrible situation where one
generation wants to gobble up every good thing that is left in our
world before they die and then another generation that is so apathetic
that they just don't care about anything and so they do nothing.

All of my life, I have been a hard worker. I've done everything I
could to get ahead and make a better life for me and my family. Today,
all of my nuclear family members own houses or are buying one. I
helped them get to college except my mother and they are all working on
saving for their future. I know what it is like to live in poverty and
to be on welfare. I know the pain of being classified as poor and
therefore unworthy of college by my high school counselors. I know the
shame and struggle of too much debt. On the other hand, I know the
pride of walking across the stage to get my college diploma, the joy of
buying a new car after years of paying off bad debts. I have lived the
emotional moment of opening the door of my first house and the
admiration for my family members who have done the same.

Knowing that I am blessed with a wonderful husband who takes care of me
and wants to spend time with me is a gift that I never thought
possible, but always wished for. We can all have these things if we
plan and work for them. Nothing great is ever easily attained.

So, what are we going to do? For starters we need to wake up to the
clanging gong that is telling us to take responsibility for our actions
and think about the big picture. We need to reach across the
generations and help each other.
The BBs need to realize that the world does not revolve around them and
that life will go on after they die. We need to stop sending my
generation off to fight wars that are based on economic factors to
bolster a dying way of life, ie use of fossil fuels. We need to think
globally and act locally, by taking steps to conserve our resources and
reserve our countries might for instances that really call for it. We
need to stop lying and justifying our lies for personal gain. Lying is
so pervasive in our culture that it's perfectly acceptable to lie for
personal gain. But, lying is bad because it undermines the fabric of
our society in many many ways. Finally, it is imperative that we all
work together to become stronger as a society, a nation and
international neighbors.

For these reasons, I'm going to vote with my conscience for John Kerry
and John Edwards because they are positive, honest, they have a plan
for most of the major issues (read their website only if you can read
for longer than listening to a canned sound byte) facing our country
and they don't have a preconceived agenda to overstretch our resources
to conquer the world. It's time to think about making sure the world
is a better place tomorrow for the generation behind us.

And that's what I think about that!

>
> Yesterday, Doug & I went to see our OBGYN to get the results from a
> prenatal risk analysis.
> I was really nervous because at my previous appointment a different
> doctor told me that I had
> a 1:105 chance of having a baby with Down's syndrome. He also told me
> that if we discovered
> a fatal chromosomal disorder it would be best to terminate the
> pregnancy. As soon as I got the
> news I called Doug and met him for lunch. I was so scared to share
> the news with him. I was
> terrified that after three years of fertility treatment and finally
> getting pregnant, I would not have a normal baby.
> Or, be faced with the possibility of not having a baby at all.
>
> Fortunately, Doug is a very analytical guy and he noticed that the
> statistics on the fact sheet that the
> doctor me were 30 years old. Doug tried to calm me down by telling me
> that the statistics could not
> be relied upon because of the age of the study, he would find some
> better statistics. Later that evening,
> Doug came home and shared some current statistics that were much more
> favorable. After he told me
> what he had learned, I felt a little bit better, but not without worry.
>
> The days following April 29th, I was very sad while preparing for a
> trip home to visit Doug's family in Michigan for his sister's
> (MaryAnn) graduation from the University
> of Michigan. During the long flight my thoughts were preoccupied
> with how I was going to cope with raising
> a child that was different. I had terrible anxiety about it and I
> decided to withhold our news. I did not want to tell anyone in the
> family that I was pregnant because I was still afraid of a miscarriage
> and also worried about
> the outcome of the prenatal tests in the next four weeks. All I could
> do was pray and hope for the
> best, take my folic acid and get plenty of sleep.
>
> The trip to Michigan was extremely short. We spent almost as much
> time traveling there as we were visiting.
> I don't look forward to these weekend trips because it's too stressful
> on our bodies. Doug got a horrible cold and then
> I got it and couldn't take any medication to relieve my symptoms, not
> to mention the horrible back pain that lasted for about five
> days due to the cramped quarters on the plane. We are healthy again
> and happy too.
>
> So, for the past four weeks I've been under a great deal of stress
> knowing that I would probably have a baby with Down's Syndrome
> and had to grapple with the idea of a future where my hopes for my
> child would not be the same as for other parents. But,
> yesterday our lives changed. When my OBGYN told us that everything
> looked really good and that an amniocentesis would not
> be necessary I felt like I could breathe again. I watched as a huge
> smile spread across Doug's face and all I wanted to do
> was cry. Doug gave me a big hug and I felt like I could melt right
> there in my overwhelming sense of relief.
>
> It wasn't until we were in the car leaving the parking lot that I
> cried. Doug said that he was so happy to know that
> we were going to have a normal healthy baby and that's when I cried.
> Just hearing the word, "normal" made all
> the tears come forward and it was a long awaited release. Finally, I
> could look forward to being pregnant. I had been asking
> Doug days before, "When do I start feeling happy about being pregnant?
> When do I get to experience the joys of motherhood
> that everyone talks about? " As I drove home from my appointment, I
> knew that my journey was beginning and I smiled the
> whole way home.
>
>
>
>

It's been a crazy busy four weeks. Doug and I are just getting settled
into our new house.
Yes, we moved. People keep asking me why we moved when I was seven
months pregnant and I say, why not?
The real reason is this: after doing a few projects on our Shoreline
house and realizing that we wanted a house with
more options in a better neighborhood we decided to move before the
baby was born. So, we found a house the first day
we started looking, but continued to look for another week just in case
there was something better out there and there
really wasn't so, we put in our offer and voila! Ten days later we
signed the paperwork.
That was the easy part, moving and preparing the house for sale was
hard work. Fortunately, Doug's dad and sister, MaryAnne
came out to Seattle and they helped us finish the house. It looks so
beautiful now, that I wish that we'd done this a couple
of years before. However, the new owners will just love it.

Anyway, the new refrigerator has been purchased, ordered and will be
delivered on Tuesday in the AM.
I had to open a Lowe's credit card to get the 10% discount, but we also
got a rebate for the delivery too.
Their customer service is really terrible because nobody knows what's
going on. So, I took advantage of
the confusion and got the discount and the rebate, which they did not
want to give to me, so I worked with
an inexperienced sales associate who gave me all the stuff I wanted and
then I went to customer service
and they gave it the rubber stamp!

I talked to my mom today and she said that she ordered the crib for us
as well as a mattress. I told her
that we had already gotten the crib. Apparently, there was some kind
of confusion with our registery, so she said we should
get the "buggy" instead. She was pretty excited about it. I filled
her in on all the latest news and then we talked
about her coming out here. I told her that we preferred to wait until
after the baby was born to have her come on up and
she seemed to think that was okay. I can't believe how excited
everyone is for this baby? Here I've been going
around just trying to survive pregnancy, buying a new house, moving,
selling a house, photographing weddings,
going to physical therapy appointments, dealing with hateful people and
now gestational diabetes,
that I just didn't know that everyone was getting revved up for the
baby.

I really wanted to be able to relax the last few weeks of pregnancy, in
order to sit back on my ever expanding laurels and
eat bonbons and drink tea while listening to classical music wistfully
dreaming of holding my baby boy. But, my dream
flies in the face of my true reality. However, a nurse from my OBGYN's
office just called to tell me that the ultrasound results looked really
great and that the baby is progressing very well despite the diabetes.
I'm grateful for that.

Life is good though, I just finished eating a turkey sandwich at our
great little breakfast nook with our two little doggies next
to me. I can hear the rain beating against the glass door leading to
the terrace of our beautiful home and I am happy to be
here. I am so thankful for all that we have and for having such a good
husband and friend. I can't imagine going
through all of this for anyone other than Doug.