August 2004 Archives

Well, the wedding is over, and life is 'back to normal'. OK, not really. This are really weird. I'm not even a Treder anymore! It's not bad living with someone else, it's just hard to get used to. Chad and I are learning to split up jobs, like I cook, and he does the dishes, I garden and trim bushes and he mows. We really don't have a lot in common...But we only have one big problem that I'm not sure how to work through: he likes to stay up late, and I like to go to bed early. It's crappy because then he sleeps in A LOT on the weekend, and also wakes me up every night when he finally gets in bed. Work is strange too. We have gone through a huge lay-off period. Every department was required to downsize by 25%! Our sales are very very low, but even so, we have to work hard to fill orders because we've laid off so many people. And I've also had big problems with my boss lately... So, what do I do? Go back to school? Find another job? What am I really qualified for? I took the MCAT last year, and didn't do as well as I had hoped. I'm not sure I would like being in school for another four years anyway, but I think I would like being a doctor. I didn't have much fun the first time around in school. But I know that I want to do something different than engineering. This is not where my heart is. I know that I do like taking care of the house, and of people, and I like planning. I like learning about the body and biological systems. That's part of the reason I came to this job, because it was a medical product manufacturer. But what I do has nothing to do with medical side of the function of our products.

Anyway. Mary Ann and I went out this weekend and talked for a long time over dinner about how similar we are. We talked about how we both sometimes get depressed; we both like to go into our shell instead of talking out a disagreement. Where do these things come from? How do we overcome the seemingly innate parts of ourselves that we don't like? Most importantly, how I communicate these things to my new spouse and explain to him why I think the way I do? When I talk to my sister, automatically, she knows what I'm talking about. How do I become more open and forgiving and evolve with him to have a closer relationship? Chad tried to be as supportive as possible before the wedding, since I was too stressed to think straight. But he tells me I am still too uptight about a lot of things. Like, if dinner doesn't turn out right, or I gained a pound, or the bathroom didn't get cleaned last night. I am too uptight, but how do things get done otherwise?

On another note, somewhat related, we have been looking for a church to attend. We have been to 2 in Canton so far...both exactly the same: huge congregation, cushy seats, everyone comes in T-shirts, and there are no kneelers! At the first church, the priest interrupted the Gospel to make a joke. OK, so I'm supposed to have an open heart, and find the good in everything, but um, are you with me? OK, so I left a Traditionalist church which doesn't follow the pope, but I can't accept just a church without kneelers can I?

So I have some turmoil about life changes: name changes, church changes, personality conflicts and professional uncertainty. I'm guess I'm not sure what lesson(s) God is trying to teach me right now.