Finn's first cold

Last night I was up for hours with Finnegan because he was sick and I was worried about him. He was so uncomfortable with congestion that I just watched him breath for hours. He was very congested and developed a terrible cough around 3:00 a.m. I did the best that I could to make him comfortable with nursing and swaddling, but it didn't help much, he just cried and coughed and then clung to me while my heart was breaking.

When I did get him settled down enough to sleep I surfed the internet for remedies to ease his suffering, but most of the advice said to let the cold run its course and not to use any medication. I felt really helpless so I called the hospital help line for new mothers and of course it's not staffed after 11:00 p.m. So, I decided to keep vigil until 8:00 a.m. when the pediatrician's office opened. At 7:30 I couldn't wait anymore and I left a message asking for the earliest appointment they had and then I waited.

Poor Doug was sick too and I tried to let him sleep through the night because he's back to work now. First week and he's sick as a dog. I went to wake him at 7:30, but he was too tired.

About this time Finnegan woke up again with a terrible coughing attack and his big blue eyes searched my face for an end to his misery and I melted. My poor little baby was sick and there wasn't anything I could do. At 8:35 a nurse from the pediatrician's office called and said they had a 9:30 appointment and I said yes. Now I was in a mad dash to get Finnegan bundled up for the walk to the doctor's office, just a few blocks away, but I was sick too and my body was aching.

Doug helped me get the stroller onto the sidewalk and as he drove off to work I pushed the carriage in the cold morning air which was not helping my cold, but the cool air was refreshing. Within 10 minutes we were at the office and they were ready for us. The nurse practitioner checked him out and said that he didn't have anything in his chest or ears, it was best not to give him any drugs. She told me to boost my intake of vitamin C as Finnegan would fight off this cold with the help of my immune system. She told me to sit with him in a steamy bathroom to help moisten his nasal passages which would ease his breathing and to keep him warm. I also told her about a rash he had developed and it turned out to be a yeast infection. My poor baby is only a month old and already he's got a lot to deal with.

Today was a really cold and rainy Seattle day and I tried to rush back to the house as quickly as possible, but my body just can't move very fast and I still feel so weak. However, Finnegan didn't seem to mind how fast we were moving as I could see his big blue eyes fixed on me through the little plastic window in the stroller while he sucked on his pacifier. He was comfortable for the moment and didn't seem to mind the ride.

We got home and I fed him again until he was warm and cozy and he drifted off to sleep in my arms. He looked so beautiful that I just wanted to cry because he was being so good despite his suffering. I told my mother that I had to go to the pharmacy to fill his prescription and she got upset with me for wanting to go out in the rainy weather when I had such a bad cold. I agreed with her, but Finnegan's comfort was more important than mine.

It rained the whole time that I walked to the store and my back was aching by the time I got there. I felt terrible and just wanted to get back home as quickly as possible. The store was busy with holiday shoppers and I couldn't find a place to sit while waiting for my order. I was just about to collapse when I found a blood pressure monitor station and eased my body down to rest. As I waited, I kept thinking about how I used to run 18 miles in one day and now I could barely walk a few blocks without having significant pain. How did I get to be this fragile? I knew the answer was somewhere between being hit by a car, recovering from childbirth and having severe anemia. It was just all piling up at once.

Finally the order was ready and it was time to walk home. Every step was a major effort. I looked for shortcuts to lessen the distance traveled and walked on the flat surfaces trying to avoid the stairs, I needed to get home as quickly as possible despite my wobbly legs. After about 15 minutes I was in front of my house and the 12 steps to the front door. One step at a time and there I was, I made it. Throwing off my winter clothes I rushed to Finnegan who had slept in my mother's arms for almost an hour, he looked so peaceful.

My mother said that I looked really terrible and after checking my temperature the 101 fever explained why I was feeling so awful. I was ordered back into bed where I shivered until falling asleep. Finnegan remained in the warm embrace of my mother's arms.

A couple of hours later I woke up to feed Finnegan who was looking a little bit better, but still coughing. As I fed him I gazed into his eyes thinking that I would do anything in my power to protect him even if it meant giving my life to save his. I knew he had no idea what I was crying about, but as he clung to me with his soft little arms and cooed he made me feel so much better.