December 2004 Archives
Every time I've been to France and Italy I'm just amazed at how beautiful the new mothers look. They look fabulous and of course Doug would always tell me it's because they breast feed their babies and they walk a lot.
Well, Doug is right. I gained 28 pounds during my pregnancy and since Nov. 5th, I've actually lost 30 pounds. Despite a soft belly, which will tone up with some work outs I'm not too worried about it.
Now that my hemaglobin is almost back to normal I feel really good and have energy to consider doing more. So, after the first of the year I'll get enrolled in a baby yoga class and do some strength training at physical therapy. I'm dreaming of putting Finnegan in a jogging stoller and running the 2.5 miles around Green Lake which is near our house.
I haven't been able to run for more than two years due to injuries from a car accident and I'm hoping that I'll be able to run again. I've been having dreams of when I used to run on the Appalachian Train in Pennsylvania. It was so beautiful to run for miles and miles waving at the neighbors, seeing the animals and breathing the good air. It was so peaceful. I want to do that again and hopefully Finn will enjoy it too.
Finnegan is not happy today. He's got a bad case of diaper rash. He's had a little bit of diaper rash for a while and we've been putting cream on it, but today when changing his diaper he really resisted me when I put the diaper on him. He kicked and screamed so much that I thought the velcro from the diaper cover where scratching him, but it wasn't. He was in pain from the contact with the cloth diaper. Well, I slathered him up with a lot of ointment and then got him calmed down. The sight of his mouth in a big "o" crying with tears running down his face sent me running for the phone.
I called the pediatrician and the nurse said to use vaseline to create a thick barrier between his skin and the diaper. I'd already done that, but luckily I've got a yeast infection treatment cream that she recommended and that will do the trick. He'll be better in a couple of days. For now he can at least sleep and that makes me very happy
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Last night Finnegan just couldn't sleep for very long and I was getting up every 90 minutes to feed and console him. Doug said that Finnegan was cold and we did everything to keep him warm.
Well, today I did an experiment and decided to find out if Finn would sleep longer if he was warmer. So, I lined his bouncer with a heater pad and put it on the lowest setting and then wrapped him in several blankets to insulate him and guess what? He is sleeping more than two hours at a stretch. I've been able to clean the kitchen, trim the Christmas tree, work on my photography projects, wrap some gifts and even take a shower. I've been monitoring him to make sure he isn't getting over heated and he's doing great.
I know what it's like to be cold and I can't sleep either. Taking care of a baby is a lot of trial and error. I'm just glad that he's comfortable and getting some comfortable sleep.
A couple of days ago while driving in the car with Finnegan he started crying and of course I couldn't get to him, so I turned up the music and to my surprise he settled down when he heard Josh Groban singing opera in italian!
This morning put Finn in his bouncer to go to sleep and I turned on the NPR Jazz music and he liked Steeley Dan. The music just stopped and now he's getting fussy.
Music does calm the crying baby.
Now it's a fact, Finn is a certified genius. He was cooing while I was changing his diaper and I asked him "How do you feel now?" and he told me "gooooooo(d)." Speaking his first word at 6 weeks puts him in the top 1% of baby geniuses, I'm sure.
This is no surprise, since we raised our dogs to be super smart too. Their expertise is mostly in the area of home improvement, though. For example, when I asked Spoon what should be the priority for moss removal, he recommended "Roof". Grenade let me know that for flower beds, it's best to mulch with "Bark".
-Doug
Today Finnegan has been taking lots of short naps and I've been doing all that I can to get him to sleep and so I've been singing to him. This afternoon I sang about 12 songs in a row and he slept while I was singing and then woke up when I stopped. I guess he likes the sound of my voice.
My favorite lullaby is "Baby Mine" from the Disney movie, Dumbo. I've always loved this song, but it wasn't until today that I realized how sad it was in the movie and it just made me cry. I know it's from an animated movie, but I just can't imagine having to let Finnegan go. Doug asked me what was wrong and when I told him, he said that I wouldn't have to give Finnegan away and I just cried even more.
I'm still feeling a little bit sad, guess I'll go hold him for a while and relish the gift of holding my baby.
Finn is voracious today. I don't know if you can tell from the graphs, but he is sleeping longer at night, and eating like every hour during the day. I think the sleeping more at night is because we let him sleep in the bed with us (propped up on his Boppy) and he is warmer.
I'm trying to give Nancy a break by holding him as much as I can during the day. She lets me get more sleep lately during the week so I owe her.
Anyway today Finn is doing his best to be funny. He managed to do the human fountain trick three times in one hour, which necessitated one bath and 3 outfits. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...whee!
Nancy loves nicknames; she's so happy that the baby can't resist nicknames the way I do (I'm always just Doug). We've got a list of nicknames Finn's accumulated so far, and how he got them:
Baby Smurf - a favorite hat
Mister Twisty - he says no blankets please!
Darth - as in Treder
Darthy - in case it was a girl
Sharpie - the unfortunate shape of his head
Boppy Cheeto - ar joo wet, boppy cheeto?
other suggestions?
It's kind of weird how we can suspend all thought of our current reality and then be brought back to reality. Well, it happened to me.
Tonight I was watching a movie while holding Finnegan in my arms and I decided to put him in the crib. When I laid him down on the mattress he looked at me with his sleepy blue eyes and smiled. Suddenly I was struck with the thought, "This is my baby! Oh, my gosh this is my baby." I guess I was so totally captivated by the movie that I forgot about who I was and Finnegan represented my new reality. I told my Mom about this strange realization and she said that when we've wanted something for so long that it's sometimes hard to actually believe it when we have what we want.
I'm happy he's here in my new reality.
Last night we were dancing with Finn to music, mostly classical. He was sort of falling asleep, so I thought let's see how he likes my favorite lullaby, Enter Sandman by Metallica. His eyes got real big and he smiled! We rocked out and as soon as it was over he fell asleep. I think it's his favorite lullaby too.
Off to never-never land!
-Doug
After a long night of nursing Finnegan's cold followed by a day of doctors visits, I sat down to eat some soup that my mother had prepared for me and it was good after being in the rainy Seattle weather.
Finnegan was sitting next to me and he started to giggle, so I picked him up to gaze into his eyes and I started smiling at him and making funny faces. And guess what? He smiled back and me and kept laughing and smiling. I was thrilled. Was he actually communicating happiness to me?
A little while later he developed a frown and I heard the tell tale sound of gas in his diaper and I wondered, "Was he just passing gas when he smiled at me or was he really happy to see my face?"
I'm going to go with the happy baby theory because babies always pass gas, but they don't always smile back at you.
O happy day!
If you read my story about Finn's first cold then you know that he was very sick and I was really worried about him. However, after a night where I actually got some sleep gives dawn to a better day.
Today Finnegan has great color in his cheeks is eating very well and his congestion is not bothering him very much. What a relief.
Before we put Finn to bed, Doug and I prepped the room like we were on a mission. We put pillows under the crib mattress to set the mattress on an incline to ease Finn's breathing while congested. We set up a vaporizer near the crib to keep is nasal passages moist and put a portable heater near the crib to warm the cool night air. We were determined to help Finn sleep through the night comfortably, so we could sleep too. Doug went to sleep around 9:30 because he was so sick and I stayed up with Finn until almost 1 a.m.
Around 2:30 a.m. I was holding him while coaxing him to sleep when he suddenly opened his eyelids and rolled his eyes up showing the whites of his eyes. This really freaked me out because this is what happens when someone dies. In a moment of panic, I shook him awake and he looked at me quizzically as if he were asking, "Why are you waking me up?" It must have been some kind of involuntary thing, but it was pretty scary. After that little incident I didn't mind staying up for another hour trying to get him to sleep.
However, today is a better day and Finnegan's little face shows a smile of contentment. Well, when I woke up at 10:00 a.m. with only having to get up three times during the night, it was apparent that our efforts paid off and Finn was contentedly sleeping next to me. O happy day!
Last night I was up for hours with Finnegan because he was sick and I was worried about him. He was so uncomfortable with congestion that I just watched him breath for hours. He was very congested and developed a terrible cough around 3:00 a.m. I did the best that I could to make him comfortable with nursing and swaddling, but it didn't help much, he just cried and coughed and then clung to me while my heart was breaking.
When I did get him settled down enough to sleep I surfed the internet for remedies to ease his suffering, but most of the advice said to let the cold run its course and not to use any medication. I felt really helpless so I called the hospital help line for new mothers and of course it's not staffed after 11:00 p.m. So, I decided to keep vigil until 8:00 a.m. when the pediatrician's office opened. At 7:30 I couldn't wait anymore and I left a message asking for the earliest appointment they had and then I waited.
Poor Doug was sick too and I tried to let him sleep through the night because he's back to work now. First week and he's sick as a dog. I went to wake him at 7:30, but he was too tired.
About this time Finnegan woke up again with a terrible coughing attack and his big blue eyes searched my face for an end to his misery and I melted. My poor little baby was sick and there wasn't anything I could do. At 8:35 a nurse from the pediatrician's office called and said they had a 9:30 appointment and I said yes. Now I was in a mad dash to get Finnegan bundled up for the walk to the doctor's office, just a few blocks away, but I was sick too and my body was aching.
Doug helped me get the stroller onto the sidewalk and as he drove off to work I pushed the carriage in the cold morning air which was not helping my cold, but the cool air was refreshing. Within 10 minutes we were at the office and they were ready for us. The nurse practitioner checked him out and said that he didn't have anything in his chest or ears, it was best not to give him any drugs. She told me to boost my intake of vitamin C as Finnegan would fight off this cold with the help of my immune system. She told me to sit with him in a steamy bathroom to help moisten his nasal passages which would ease his breathing and to keep him warm. I also told her about a rash he had developed and it turned out to be a yeast infection. My poor baby is only a month old and already he's got a lot to deal with.
Today was a really cold and rainy Seattle day and I tried to rush back to the house as quickly as possible, but my body just can't move very fast and I still feel so weak. However, Finnegan didn't seem to mind how fast we were moving as I could see his big blue eyes fixed on me through the little plastic window in the stroller while he sucked on his pacifier. He was comfortable for the moment and didn't seem to mind the ride.
We got home and I fed him again until he was warm and cozy and he drifted off to sleep in my arms. He looked so beautiful that I just wanted to cry because he was being so good despite his suffering. I told my mother that I had to go to the pharmacy to fill his prescription and she got upset with me for wanting to go out in the rainy weather when I had such a bad cold. I agreed with her, but Finnegan's comfort was more important than mine.
It rained the whole time that I walked to the store and my back was aching by the time I got there. I felt terrible and just wanted to get back home as quickly as possible. The store was busy with holiday shoppers and I couldn't find a place to sit while waiting for my order. I was just about to collapse when I found a blood pressure monitor station and eased my body down to rest. As I waited, I kept thinking about how I used to run 18 miles in one day and now I could barely walk a few blocks without having significant pain. How did I get to be this fragile? I knew the answer was somewhere between being hit by a car, recovering from childbirth and having severe anemia. It was just all piling up at once.
Finally the order was ready and it was time to walk home. Every step was a major effort. I looked for shortcuts to lessen the distance traveled and walked on the flat surfaces trying to avoid the stairs, I needed to get home as quickly as possible despite my wobbly legs. After about 15 minutes I was in front of my house and the 12 steps to the front door. One step at a time and there I was, I made it. Throwing off my winter clothes I rushed to Finnegan who had slept in my mother's arms for almost an hour, he looked so peaceful.
My mother said that I looked really terrible and after checking my temperature the 101 fever explained why I was feeling so awful. I was ordered back into bed where I shivered until falling asleep. Finnegan remained in the warm embrace of my mother's arms.
A couple of hours later I woke up to feed Finnegan who was looking a little bit better, but still coughing. As I fed him I gazed into his eyes thinking that I would do anything in my power to protect him even if it meant giving my life to save his. I knew he had no idea what I was crying about, but as he clung to me with his soft little arms and cooed he made me feel so much better.
Nauseum viatunt. We all got colds now. Mine's going into my ears; Nancy's got the worst cough; Finn is just miserable. Nancy took him to the pediatrician, but there's not much you can do for him. Since his immune system is nothing more than what he drinks from Nancy, he'll probably be better as soon as she is. We're trying running the hot shower to get steam in the bathroom; that gives him a little relief for a while. Any suggestions out there?
Later this evening Finnegan will be four weeks old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone and he's changed so much. Sometimes when I look at him I see the little boy beginning to emerge and it makes we sad because I know he will eventually grow up and go his own way. I know we've got at least 18 years before that happens, but babies change so quickly that we must enjoy every minute of this special time.
I'm starting to feel better and hopefully that means that my anemia is getting better. I don't feel 100% yet and I guess with the 24-hour sleep cycle, I probably won't for a while. Doug however, is getting more sleep and we are trying to get on a schedule in order for him to ease back into the work force. I don't really want him to go back to work because I will miss him.
It's been so nice to have Doug home for this whole month because we have really bonded with each other and with the baby. Doug is such an attentive and loving father. The way that he took care of me for two weeks was really above and beyond the call of duty and it made me fall deeper in love with him. I am so lucky to have such a selfless husband.
A week ago, we had the life insurance discussion and Doug was trying to figure out what we needed in order to take care of Finnegan and I in the event that something happens to Doug. It was so difficult to think about these scenarios especially when I am so happy, it just made me cry to think of life without Doug, or Doug and Finnegan without me. I couldn't possibly imagine a life without them. I waited a very long time to find the right person to marry and I basically hit the jackpot when I met Doug. We've become so close in six years and I would rather spend all of my time with him and Finnegan than anyone else. I don't want to think about eventualities such as these, but at least now we will be prepared in case something does happen.
For more than 100 hours I have held Finnegan in my arms and gazed into his very familiar face and I still wonder, "How did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful little boy?" Then I come back to reality and remember how we wanted him so much that we didn't take "no" for an answer and now we are a family.
Life is good no matter how many diapers we have to change because each one is an affirmation that Finnegan is with us and has changed our lives for the better.
I added some more code to my little BabyTracker. Now it can upload the same graphs we see right to this website with one click. I imagine Sara and Chad might be most interested since they have one on the way and might like to know what the reality is for a new baby. And maybe we'll get little comments now like "Oh I see little Finn woke up a lot last night" or whatever. Anyway it feels more relevant to keep track of all this stuff if other people than just us can see it.
I know the writing's a little small on the graphs - the Eating one says "Feeding Amounts" (that's number of minutes, the blue bars) on the left, and "Feedings Per Day" (the black line) on the right. The Diaper graph has pink bars for wet diapers and brown bars for the other kind. Lately though he's put a little of both into every diaper, so we mark it as wet if it didn't leak out, and mark it as brown if there was a lot of it or if we had to change all his clothes.
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